Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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