Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
