to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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