I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Randomize
