I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
