I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
