You were right. It hurts to walk today.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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