Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
