I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
