Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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