No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize