No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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