I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i wish my penis had a tongue
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
