based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
