i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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