you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
