he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
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