woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
