why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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