Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
