Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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