I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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