I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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