1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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