I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
