we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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