Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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