well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
