I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
