I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We left the knife in your bed.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
