I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
