I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
