im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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