she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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