ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
