I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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