Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize