I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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