You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
