he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
