i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
