i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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