Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
