____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
