I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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