you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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