drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
