I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
