then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
