Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
