Non-Jews are for practice
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
