i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
