I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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