Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
