What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
