her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
