It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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