Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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