Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
