I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I need help removing her.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
