Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
