yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
