on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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