If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
