you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize